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"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." - Virginia Woolf
Photo Credit: Drew Elaine Photography
The beginning of 2021 was life-changing for me. After dealing with so much residue from 2020, I found myself tired and heavy. There were many changes happening at the same time and I wasn't sure if I could handle them all. So, I took a break. I took a break from business to focus on myself and my family. It was the best decision I could have ever made.
During this break, I was present. I was present while spending time with my family, my friends, and especially during my time alone. I was in a season of seeking and listening for answers as my desire to be a full-time writer grew stronger. What was so amazing was my ability to hear more clearly now that I wasn't a busy body. I took the opportunity to quiet the noise so that I could find direction. It was working and I grew incredibly grateful.
There are many lessons that were learned during that season. I learned how to pause, be patient and trust the process.
Pause
The first lesson was learning that it's okay to pause. You know, oftentimes when we're in the mix of doing, we forget about being. And in that time of forgetfulness, we get so caught up in what we are doing that we simply start doing too much. I was wearing myself out and I knew it but doing too much was my way of avoiding some issues I needed to deal with. It was my way of attempting to ignore the changes that were happening around me.
I had been poking at different opportunities and it seemed as if the vision for my business kept changing. I was out of alignment in so many ways. Before I knew it, I was having conversations with people and letting them know that I was going to fall off of the business scene for a while. My main objective was to make sure I was taking care of myself and I was there for my family. That was all that was on my agenda from June to September. That was my plan and that's what I did.
But I won't lie and say that I wasn't nervous about it. Besides, what would other people say? I was doing so many things. Wouldn't this make me look unstable or indecisive? The urge for me to pause was so strong that I got to a point where I didn't care what people thought. Just being honest. Was it better for them to think I had it all together while I was falling apart? No. Therefore, I had to pause. I can say I had no choice but the beauty of a choice is you have the option to not choose it. I chose to pause.
Patience
It was during the beginning of that pause that my patience was put to several tests. I can't tell you how often I was tempted to just do something. Anything. I couldn't remember the last time I chose to be still. However, I was so committed to not wasting any more time on DOING, and focusing all of my time on BEING. As I settled into the peace that grew each day, I learned that patience is truly a virtue.
My season of waiting included prayer, being intentional in each moment, and diving deep into self-examination. I picked myself apart and left no crumbs behind. I was honest with myself. I understood my shortcomings and the things I could have done better. I also understood the root of why I allowed my emotions to take over me at times. I had been so hurt for so long and had been masking it.
Masking hurt does not mean you won't feel it and that it's not there. Think about these masks we've been wearing for the past year. I know it's getting convenient to wear them so people won't see our faces. Especially when you don't feel like being bothered, masks are a great way to "hide". But we're actually not hiding, right? It's still us behind the mask. There's still hurt behind masking our pain. And until we deal with it, it will grow roots deeper than we ever intended it to. It was time to stop the roots from digging any deeper into my foundation. It was time to work on my heart. So, my season of waiting was actually my season of healing. I found myself writing again and allowing writing to take me through the healing process.
"Yes, I am a writer, a wife, and a mom. But what I discovered on this journey is that I’m more than the titles I hold. The journey from self-abandonment to rediscovery had to come through the divine-appointed path of writing but most importantly, the journey’s purpose was to assure me that I am tenacious, resilient, strong, and now free." K. LaFleur-Anders (excerpt from Strong and Free)
The Process
Okay, so we are finally at the international bestselling part.
While I was practicing patience and waiting to make my next move, a friend screamed my name in a room full of possibilities. See, we dreamed together. We had many conversations about what we wanted our lives to look like. She knew I wanted to write full-time so when she told me about the opportunity to be a published author of a book, I jumped in headfirst. Literally, I wasn't thinking about anything else. Although I was coming in towards the end of the project, I was so grateful to be a part of it and share the experience with other women in business.
Graphic by Inner Hippie Books
Being a part of this project has changed my life. Not only have I gained confidence and credibility but I've been able to network with powerful, influential women around the globe. I never thought I would be able to pour my soul into a 1,000-word chapter and to have it accurately be entitled, The Journey. This project made me realize what was possible and I want all that is possible for me.
In order to get here, I had to trust the process. Trusting the process included pausing and being patient. That was what I needed to do. Pausing and patience were a part of my process and my formula. I'm elated that I made the right decision for myself. The decision wasn't easy but most life-changing decisions aren't. Taking time off to pause and ultimately reset was worth it. It was all worth it.
Is there something that's been tugging on you lately? Do you feel as if you need to slow down but just haven't made the choice to just yet?
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